Black Icicles

I just started crying quietly sitting in the study room of the Union. I was simply thinking about how much I miss my family. I wish we were all sitting together and watching a movie right now, instead of scattered around the world, apart from each other. I really do love them all so much.

I am writing this down because I want to always remember this moment, for when I am upset or angry at anyone, I want to remember this realization of what my family means to me.

So glad this crap semester is almost over. I'm tired of being stressed and busy all the time, and not being able to see my friends because I'm stuck at the library. I got to register for my classes this morning and I'm pretty stoked for next semester. 14 credits, yeahhh. I get to take a class taught by the dean (students chosen on a lottery system, and I guess all my bad luck this semester was rewarded by the good luck of getting into this class) and the nerd in me is rejoicing. Not looking forward to all the econ I have to get through, but that's the life of a dual degree.

Can't wait for my brother to come home this weekend! Even though I don't go home until the 22nd, I am beyond excited to see him. Break is so close~

My 19th birthday is tomorrow but my lovely friends and I celebrated it last night. I love them. It was a relaxed, fun evening with ridiculous games and lots of laughs. I feel blessed to know such lovely people.

Let's not talk about my last exam. Just thinking about it gives me that queasy feeling in my stomach.

I am quite looking forward to leaving these horrific dorms and going home, though I'll probably go insane within the week.



Title Quote
Sydney Smith, Lady Holland's Memoir, I, 12

I love you Emily Nine!

Life is just really hard sometimes.
But we always bounce back. That's the resilience of the human spirit.



I want to build a castle.

It's break, and I always promise myself to get ahead and do lots of homework and reading, but I never do and end up watching a ton of movies instead. I finally saw Wall-E, which was just about the cutest darned movie ever. Yay robot love!
Also saw Running with Scissors. Why did everyone like that movie? It was strange and disturbing and it seemed like it was grasping at these straws to give it significance but at the end you just walk away shaking your head. Maybe I just didn't get it, which is more than likely, but I don't think I liked that movie very much. And I still don't see the fuss over Rachel Evan Woods or whatever, she really is quite blah.
Saw Monster, with Charlize Theron, too. I definitely understand why she got the Oscar. The crazy thing is, I totally understood the character. It made perfect sense why she kept killing those men, and I empathized with her when she was forced into these terrible situations and she didn't want to kill. That's a mark of a really great portrayal, when you can connect with a mentally deranged prostitute serial killer.
Just watched The Reader tonight. Liked it. But how can you not like a movie with Kate Winslet and Ralph Fiennes? The newcomer David Kross did a good job too, I was pleasantly surprised. I could totally see awkward David Cross character growing up to be quiet, melancholy Ralph Fiennes character. I must protest, though, to the gratuitous nudity. I mean, really, do we have to see Kate Winslet's boobs and butt so many times in one film? Yes, she's gorgeous, but we've seen it all before, and it's lost its novelty factor.

Re-reading what I've just written, I'm a terrible film critic. From now on, I'm just going to stick to accounting and business, and leave the arts to Emily.

New Layout!

I loves it lots.

So I'm done with my first semester of college. Back in September, time was moving so slowly I couldn't believe that the semester would ever end. And now, I look back and think, jeez how did it all pass so fast? And I'm stuck with the vague malaise that I missed out on something, that I should have experienced more and enjoyed myself more and achieved more. But I so quickly fell into a routine, class and study, throw in some time hanging out with friends, many hours of dance, but really I don't think I actually did anything. I was never extremely happy or extremely sad, I never felt extremely anything. I just kind of went through all the motions, had little bouts of fun or depression here and there, but nothing memorable.  How did that happen? Normally I love being busy, the general stress of having just too much to do, but I somehow let the entire semester pass without getting involved in too many things. I miss that.

Well, I will not allow this to happen again. I am going to do more things next semester. I want to be so busy I get nosebleeds. I want to feel that small sense of accomplishment when I do things, when I finally triumph in small battles. The only problem is that I don't know what my goals are. But I have the rest of the semester break to figure that out. Find some substance, so to speak. I refuse to wander around limbo any longer!

Farewell first semester. Goodbye boredom.

Last night, right as I was falling asleep, I was thinking about something trivial. The second I woke up to the jarring tones of my alarm clock, the discussion in my head continued, as if there was no break of sleep in between. I don't even remember sleeping. I don't remember any dreams. I am just tired and drained, as if I never rested at all.

Just a few more days until Thanksgiving break...

And I love it.

First time since third grade that I have bangs. And these I didn't chop myself, so they actually look decent.